Lights and Loss

Have you heard Jewel's version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Well, if you have, my deepest sympathy.  If you haven't, good for you for sparing yourself 3 minutes that you will never get back.  It's the worst Christmas song ever.  I just can't.

But my biggest holiday pet peeve? A house decorated with mutli-colored AND white lights.  Now, don't misunderstand me ... it's strictly MULTI-COLORED and white.  Blue lights with white lights? Fine!  Red lights with white lights? Sure!  Multi-colored and white? Absolutely not.  They simply just don't belong together.  It's not a healthy relationship.  Stick to one or the other people. I have nothing against either, it's strictly when they are together.  To your separate corners, lights.  

(The only exception is my in-laws house, where I am living mortgage free.  They can do whatever they want.)

Well right now I am listening to the rain outside, but we used to have a good amount of snow.  I've learned to embrace the snow, as my dog and toddler are huge fans (that and the fact that I'm from upstate NY and Vermont.)  One of Maggie's favorite books is about snowmen, in fact.  She has taken a liking to the snowman who has a pickle for his nose.  So, I give you our version ...

And of course, when you come inside from snowman building, hot chocolate is pretty much required. But it tastes the best when you drink it on Mimi's kitchen floor.

On a more serious note, an extremely special person in my life, who has been struggling to get pregnant, had a miscarriage last week.  It is so devastating. It's the kind of pain that no one can understand unless you have been through it.  There are so many questions and very little answers.  I feel so helpless.  What can you do? What can you say? How do you help?

My sister-in-law (who's heart is more beautiful and inspiring that most) has experienced a few miscarriages.  I texted her to ask her what I can do because my heart is heavy and hurting for her.  My sis sent a text back to me (that I deleted by mistake -Karen fail) was so helpful to me.  She basically told me these things ...

Go over to her house.

Bring a bottle of wine or a gallon of icecream.

Cry with her.

Listen to her.

Don't pretend to understand.

Don't pretend you have the answer.

She is grieving.

Say "I'm sorry" a lot.

If she needs to go to a movie or do some shopping or watch all of Grey's Anatomy seasons from start to finish, do that with her.

Don't feel obligated to offer words of comfort.  Those can't be found right now.

I don't know why this is happening to her.  I don't know why some people aren't saying anything to her when "I'm so sorry.  I don't know what to say." is just enough. I don't know when she will have a child, or what avenue she has to take for that to happen.

What I do know is that she will be a mother.  I do know she will love that child so hard and the desires of her heart will come to fruition.  And I do know that we need to be kind to people we meet because we have no idea what battle they are facing. There can be so much hurt behind a forced smile. 

...whew that was some heavy stuff.  But it's that heavy stuff that reminds us to let the little things go. (Like hatred for multi-colored lights and white lights coexisting on the same house. ;)

So B, this e.e. Cummings loveliness is for you girl.

I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.

I am never without it. Anywhere I go you go, my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.

I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet).

I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 

and whatever a sun will always sing is you.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows.

Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.