Wegmans & Channing Tatum

Welllllllll this post is coming to you much later than I planned.  It seems like when I get the free time I earn my title as Queen of Distractions.  TLC has a power over me.  I think we need to break up.

We have been enjoying being with family for sure.  What a luxury it is after living out of state for years.

The Zess men enjoying their barley sandwiches

Maggie is a fan of going to Grandma and Papa's (my parents) house.  Why? Well other than Grandma doing anything she wants, Papa gives her treats. Check this one out.  As big as a dessert plate? Check. Lots of chocolate? Check. The turkey is made out of frosting? Check. Oh, Papa Papa Papa. You can't see it but I'm hanging my head and shaking it.

A typical Rochester day for Maggie and I include getting out of the house every morning.  EVERY morning.  We both need it.  To ease some anxiety, I make sure to have a plan the night before.  We've been doing things with some former Rochester friends, which has been comforting.  Since there is already a relationship established there, it takes off a lot of pressure.  

There are places in Rochester that I've never explored, seeing as how I haven't lived here with a child of my own.  My GPS is my buddy right now because I have forgotten the best ways to get places! 

Speaking of Rochester places, I get Wegmans back.  Hello old friend.  The things is though, I don't like having to learn a new grocery store.  I was comfortable with my North Ave Hannaford.  (Did you see how I spelled the name of that store, Vermonters?! THERE IS NO "S" ON THE END!)  Yes, I used to plan my grocery list according to isles.  Stop making fun of me and think about how much sense that makes!  I never have to go back to the other end of the store because I forgot something and when you have a toddler with you, that's HUGE! So now, although I love Wegmans, I have to learn it.  I shop at the store that I worked at in college, but everything in there has changed.  And the other thing is that eventually we will be moving to the east side of Rochester, which means -yup, you guessed it- I will have to learn a new Wegmans AGAIN!  I know, I know, people are starving in Africa.  This is really not a huge problem.  But I'm just sayin.'

  

I have hit a rough patch this week.  Things are slowly sinking in three weeks later.  To be honest, I still feel like I'm waiting to go back to Vermont.  Some days this move feels permanent and I try to embrace that and some days I have to remind myself that this must now become home.  I feel as though many people expected this move to be less tough because I was born and raised here.  I went to college here.  I got married here.  My family is here.  But, this has to become home to me all over again.  I'm not who I was when this used to be home and I was at a different stage of life.  I try to remember to be patient with myself.  I can recall when I was struggling with postpartum depression, I said to my therapist through sobs "My baby is nine weeks old.  Shouldn't I be better by now?!?!"  Little did I know that Maggie would be two years old before I felt healed.  I have learned to not put a timeline on my feelings.  

I was having a crappy day this past week.  The kind where you just want to crawl back in bed and start all over.  I wanted my Vermont family.  I wanted to be back in my perfectly cozy condo.  I wanted to see the mountains that I fell in love with.  I wanted to laugh with my MOPS girls.  I wanted to hear the songs from my church's praise team.  I wanted to be back where I felt at home.  For some reason I was the one who put Maggie to bed that night.  This is something that Kyle usually does, but that night it was me.  I was rocking her and we were talking about her day.  We were silent for a while.  I kissed her head and smelled her hair for the millionth time, and she said "I want Maggie house.  Maggie house far away, Mama." I couldn't help but well up with tears and agree with her.  

I am taking things one day at a time, and as depression/anxiety has taught me, even one hour at a time.  Rochester hasn't earned the title of "home" yet, and that's okay.  No timelines, right?

I came across this on Pinterest the other day ...

Sorry about the blurriness.  I used my phone to take a pic of my iPad.  Enough said.  The quote above says "When you are having a bad day, good friends say 'feel better.' Best friends send videos of Channing Tatum stripping."  

Let's just say that I had quite a few pictures of Mr. Tatum sent to my phone. Maybe next week I won't need him.  ;)

New York, New York

I can't figure out if I should ask "Is Rochester ready for the Zess'?" or "Are the Zess' ready for Rochester?"

Well I promised that I would start a blog to keep all of my Vermont friends up-to-date on this glamorous life of mine, so here we go.

It's been almost 2.5 weeks since we left good ole Vermont and moved to our familiar Rochester.  The move went as smoothly as we could ask for.  Good thing we had "Pearson Brothers Moving & Storage" (a.k.a. my dad and uncle) to spearhead the process.  Their careers as engineers came in super handy when packing the 26 foot truck.  It was like 3-D Tetris.  A big thanks to them and all the friends in Vermont that helped us load.  We couldn't have done it without you ... well ... we COULD have ... but it would have been a lot slower and tons more frustrating.

We arrived in Rochester at about 5:30pm and were greeted with lots of family ready to help unload the majority of the truck into my in-law's house, attic, and storage space above the garage.  By the end our assembly lines were super productive and a spaghetti dinner was the perfect ending to an exhausting day.  The next day, Sunday, the rest of the truck was unloaded at our storage unit.

Monday (two days after we moved) was a rough day.  Kyle had very little downtime, as he began his new job that day.  I was used to him being around, since that was our new normal after the layoff.  Suddenly, I found myself alone. Just Maggie and I. My parents and Kyle's parents all work, as do all of my handful of friends that I still have here.  I was still pretty tired from a busy weekend so I parked myself on the couch and let the PBS app work its magic on the iPad for Maggie.  I decided I would let myself be sad and emotional that day.  I allowed myself to cry a lot say to myself "this just sucks." I missed my Vermont family so much. SO MUCH.

The next day was better, waking up with a brighter spirit.  Thanks to a lot of therapy, I like to think I know myself pretty well, so I decided to do what I know will help me ... STAY BUSY.  

I make a plan the night before for the next day.  Maggie and I get out of the house every morning.  It's worked really well, except for when it's time to head home. (By home I mean my in-laws' house, which is where we are crashing.) Maggie is a big fan of being out and about and never wants to head back home.  It's made for some interesting car rides.

We had a great Halloween.  Maggie and I started the day trick-or-treating at a local library, then went to show off her costume to her Great Gram (my grandmother). We ended the day by being in the village parade and trick-or-treating our way back with Maggie's neighbor buddy, Gavin.

 trick-or-treating at the library

 Gavin and Maggie in the parade

 "lollipops!"

Our little cupcake

It's been such a blessing not to have to start over in an unfamiliar place.  We have gone to my parents' house for dinner on Fridays and even spent our first weekend all alone there overnight Maggie-free while the 'rents were in Pennsylvania.  We are definitely taking advantage of our live-in babysitters when we can.  Being without family nearby for almost 7.5 years has made us very much appreciate their availability now.  I grew up in the same city as both sets of my grandparents and I am excited that Maggie will have the same opportunity.  

I will write a little more soon about how we are adjusting and how I've been feeling about everything.  (After I wrote this sentence I thought "wow, if I had just read this on someone's blog I would've rolled my eyes thinking how boring that would be to read." I promise I'll do my best not to bore you.)

I'll leave you with some pictures of an outing to the zoo with my favorite redhead, words from my buddy Frank Sinatra, and tell you that I'm doing okay.  I know I have a lot of Vermonters worried about me during this huge life change.  I'm fine.  I'm not great, but I'm fine. :)

A baby sea lion on his mommy's back. 

 The whole time we watched them all he did was bug her.  

I thought "I know how you feel, sister."

"I'm gonna make a brand new start of it. New York, New York." -F.S.